I rested my head against the seat and closed my eyes. I imagined opening them and realizing that this was all a terrible nightmare. The car lurched to a stop and I looked around. This was not a bad dream; it was my new reality. Hot tears filled my sleepy eyes. 

“Please don’t make me go, Mami,” I begged, although I knew it wouldn’t work. 

“Jade, you know this is where you have to be. It won’t be so bad, you’ll see.”  

I didn’t say another word. I slipped out of the car and didn’t turn around once to look at my mother. I stalked towards the building. Her voice had been full of kindness but I wanted her to feel my hurt. 

We had come to South Lake Academy the week before for open house. Everything had been fresh and shiny. Stacks of books sat on the desks in neat piles and smiling teachers leaned in doorframes. But this was not a normal high school. A room at the end of the hall was full of baby cribs and bins of toys. Teen moms and kids who had been booted from regular school went here. And now, so did I. I wasn’t exactly booted from regular school, but I had fallen behind in all my classes. My teachers and mom decided it would help if I went here. 

The narrow red brick structure was three stories high and rumored to have a basement straight out of a horror film. Today, students lingered at picnic tables or made their way inside. 

Keeping my distance, I waited near the portable building that housed the library and pretended to check my phone. It would have been a beautiful morning if I had been somewhere else. I closed my eyes and imagined that I was at the beach like I had been just two weeks before. The air was crisp with fall but the sun was warm on my face. I jumped when I heard the first bell. 

This place was much smaller than Carter High, but I checked my schedule to be sure I was right just in case. Inside Mrs. Welling’s homeroom I found a seat near the middle and took my first of many glances at the clock. 

“Good morning,” she said after a few moments. “It’s wonderful to see all of you. I see some new faces as well as some very familiar ones.” 

This drew a few laughs for some reason. I saw a few familiar faces too, but none that I knew well. Mrs. Welling started at the front and had us all tell our name and a little about ourselves. It became clear that the class was made up of students from different grade levels, from freshmen up to seniors. 

“I’m Jade, and I guess I’m here to catch up,” I said quickly. I noticed the girl next to me give me a brief smil.  I tried to smile back. 

When it was her turn she said her name was Kimberly and she had started going here the year before. 

At lunch, Kimberly walked towards me with a baby boy on her hip. The lunchroom was tiny. Booths lined the walls and there were small tables in the center. I had found an empty one and sipped on my water bottle. I had five dollars but had forgotten there was no real cafeteria here. I was supposed to have packed a lunch, and the snack machines only took coins and dollar bills. 

“Aren’t you hungry?” Kimberly asked. 

She was pretty, with long dark hair, and I could hear in her voice that she probably spoke fluent Spanish. It made me think of my mother, and I felt a pang of guilt as I remembered how I had acted that morning. 

I told her I hadn’t brought anything and she sat down next to me and offered me half of her food. It was difficult to keep being angry but I didn’t stop trying. I was starving, though. My mouth watered as I pulled a chocolate sandwich cookie from its sleeve.  

The baby stared at me and for some reason I felt pressured to tell her he was cute. She thanked me and told me his name was Daniel. He really was cute, I thought reluctantly. His chubby face was framed by soft black curls.  

After school, my anger bubbled up again as I boarded the bus. I could drive but my mom used her car every day for work and could only drop me off. Carter High had been just a few blocks away and an easy walk. South Lake was six or so miles from my house but the ride felt like an eternity. The yellow bus seemed faded and rickety. A toddler was bawling in back and I stuck my fingers in my ears. 

This is my life? I thought. 

The only thing that mattered now was proving that this was not where I belonged.

The first day had been like an orientation. On day two I had an appointment with the guidance counselor, Mr. Lopez. I waited my turn just outside his office until the person before me came out. 

“Hello there, Jade,” he said, looking at what I guessed was my file. His reading glasses were resting on the tip of his nose. “It looks like you passed your freshman year by the skin of your teeth.” 

He smiled and looked at me over the top of his glasses. His eyes were smiling too. I shrugged, knowing he was right. The deal had been that I could come to this school or repeat my freshman year at Carter. At least here at South Lake I was a sophomore. 

“I see here that you were diagnosed with dyslexia in the fourth grade and that reading seemed to be your main struggle. We’ve got you in the intensive reading class with Mrs. Welling and I think you’ll do well there.” 

I shrugged again and asked him if there was any possibility of getting transferred back to Carter at the end of the semester. My homeroom and intensive reading teacher Mrs. Welling was nice. I had a desperate hope that she would feel sorry enough for me to promote me quickly. Maybe she would say I didn’t even need the class at all. 

“We can see how things go,” he replied, “and evaluate things in a few weeks. In the meantime, I’m here if you need anything.” 

I thanked him before leaving, my bubble deflated a bit but not totally flat. As I left his office, I saw a narrow-looking closed door to my left. Something made me reach out and try to turn the knob. It was stiff, locked tight. 

“Leave that be, dear,” the secretary said, eyeing me from her desk. “No one is allowed in the basement. It’s not up to code.” 

So that was the door to the infamous basement, I thought. At least something in this school had piqued my interest. 

* * * 

Friday afternoon, I began to feel the relief of having the first week behind me. 

“Hold this ball in your hand as you write,” Mrs. Welling said quietly. 

The item she handed me was a globe about the size of a tennis ball and very squishy. 

“Why?” I whispered. 

There were only ten or so other students in my intensive reading class. I looked around and saw that two others were holding the same ball. 

“Hold it in the opposite hand with which you write. For you, that would be your left since you’re right handed. It helps some people focus and also keeps the other side of the brain occupied. I know that sounds weird, but give it a try.” 

Mrs. Welling was young and acted a little nervous, but she seemed to really want to help. I squeezed the ball as I read the short story and wrote down my answers. Surprisingly it did seem to work. When I was done writing, she read over my answers. She wrote an A at the top of my paper right then and there and I took in a sharp breath. 

“Good work, Jade,” she said, “Now, look it over for spelling and grammar mistakes.” 

Spelling and grammar were part of why my grades had been so bad the year before. It felt really good to get credit without being judged for my mistakes. 

After school, Kimberly called my name as I was walking to the bus. 

“How far away is your house?” she asked when we met up. 

I explained where I lived and she offered to give me a ride. I climbed into the front seat of the older SUV. She strapped Daniel into his car seat in back. 

“Thank you so much,” I said. “That bus is no joke.” 

Kimberly laughed. “I know, right? I rode it all last year, girl.”  

She explained that her abuela had agreed to help her get a car if she got a part time job and kept straight A’s. She had done both and was set to graduate in June with honors. I felt a sight pang of jealousy but then remembered the sleeping kid in back. 

I waved goodbye and watched her head back in the same direction we had come from. Kimberly had obviously gone out of her way to help me. I had to admit, I seemed to be getting a lot of that at my new school. 

It was a pattern now, Kimberly driving me home and me giving her five dollars of my allowance each week. It wasn’t much, but I couldn’t let her do it for nothing. Today we agreed to study together at my house but ended up flopped on my bed instead. Daniel played on the floor and our backpacks sat untouched in the corner of my room. 

“You cheer?” Kimberly asked, eyeing the small trophy on my dresser. 

“I used to.” 

I hated not being on the squad and South Lake didn’t offer sports, let alone cheerleading. My first progress report was B’s and one C, and I was holding onto the hope of going back to Carter in a few weeks. Maybe I could even try out late and cheer with my friends again this year. 

“So are you going to the ice cream social Friday night?” I asked, changing the subject. 

“Unless they ask me to work.” 

She worked at a fast food restaurant and said people were always calling in. That meant she got plenty of requests to work extra hours. 

“I guess I will too, then,” I replied. 

Kimberly was my only close friend at South Lake, and although we clicked, I missed my old friends like crazy. She seemed like she was just moments away from being an adult and I still felt like such a kid. But in other ways we were a lot alike.  

The air in my house was thick with the smell of black beans in the slow cooker. Kimberly noticed and said her abuela cooked them the same way. We were both the youngest and had an older brother. Hers was already married and mine had just moved out the year before. But unlike me, she lived with both her parents, and her abuela, too. 

Daniel rubbed his eyes and started fussing. 

“I better get home and study,” Kimberly said as she rolled off my bed and stretched. 

I laughed. “Yeah, we didn’t get much done.” 

After she left, I started the rice and finally studied for the history test we were taking the next day.  

When my mami came home she was tired, as always. She kissed my cheek and thanked me because I had dinner ready. Since my brother left, it was just the two of us. When we bumped heads, the house was stiff and silent. But we were getting along, so we listened to each other talk about our day as we ate. I told her about the ice cream social, and she said I could use the car. Now it was my turn to kiss her on the cheek. 

* * * 

The night of the ice cream social was cold and damp, and eating a frozen treat seemed ridiculous. I hugged myself as I walked from my car to the school cafeteria. I wished I had worn a warm coat instead of a sweater. The windows were squares of yellow light in the otherwise dark campus. It felt like a dream place, familiar but foreign. 

Inside, it was warm and I looked around for Kimberly. I hadn’t seen her car outside, but hoped I had missed it or she had caught a ride. She hadn’t called to tell me she was working so I assumed she would be here.  

I pulled my phone out from the back pocket of my jeans. No missed calls or texts. I wandered over to the dessert table and grabbed a paper bowl. There were a couple people ahead of me. I watched Mrs. Welling give them heaping scoops of ice cream. 

“So glad you came, Jade. Now what can I get you?” 

Three plastic tubs were lined up in front of her, filled with white, pink or brown. 

“Chocolate,” I said, and then quickly added on a please. 

She plopped two scoops into my bowl. I moved down and decided on toppings. I ended up with a big mess topped with whipped cream. I still didn’t see Kimberly, but I did see Mr. Lopez.  

With nothing else to do, I decided to see if he had some good news for me. The semester would be over in a couple weeks, and I was still holding out hope for the transfer back to Carter. I asked him about it the week before and it seemed he wasn’t sure. When I asked Mami, she’d been tired and said we’d talk about it later. I was ready for some answers. 

A bright green sprinkle was stuck in his dark mustache and I tried not to stare at it. 

“Hello there, Jade,” he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin and thankfully removing the sprinkle. 

He was on the move, taking his bowl to the trash bin and picking up more along the way. I walked with him. 

“I was wondering about getting transferred back to Carter,” I said, and then added quickly, “since my grades are up.” 

“You are doing quite well,” he said. “But I don’t think you’re ready just yet. And your mother, well, she is happy with your progress and wants to see you continue to improve. Let’s wait until midyear and see…” 

He trailed off and his eyes focused on something behind me. “Excuse me, Jade. I see someone who may not be on their best behavior.” 

He walked away and left me in my misery. I tossed my bowl of ice cream in the trash and felt the first tear try to escape from my eye. I walked as quickly as I could towards the door and back into the bitter night air.  

There was nothing for me inside, no one who understood how trapped I felt. Kimberly had stood me up and it seemed my old friends called less and less. I felt a hiccup in my throat and I walked towards the darkened main building, no idea why. But the side door was unlocked. I closed it quietly behind me. The hall was lit only by the red glow of the exit sign.  

Everyone seemed to think that this school was where I belonged, and I had no say at all. The sobs came then and I slid down to the floor and let them. The sound echoed in the empty hall. I felt my phone hit the baseboard as I went down. When I pulled it out of my pocket, I saw that the tiny crack that was already there had grown branches and leaves. 

“Great,” I said aloud. 

I tried to turn it on and nothing happened, other than the battery starting to get hot. It was my mami’s old one and didn’t hold much of a charge. Now it was probably busted for good. I tossed it to the side, almost throwing it. 

No one knows I’m here, I thought.  

I was invisible. I was lost but no one knew it. No one was trying to find me.