“I think it is important for us as a society to remember that youth within juvenile justice systems are, most of the time, youths who simply haven’t had the right mentors and supporters around them – because of circumstances beyond their control.” -Q’orianka Kilcher    

He lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He could not believe the situation he was now in. He was only 16 years old! “How could this have happened to me? Why me?” he kept repeating to himself. 

His cell was small. The bathroom at his house was bigger. There was a concrete slab for a mattress, a small table attached to the wall, a stool, and a toilet. A thin window adorned the top of one wall. That was it. All this in a space the size of a closet. 

* * * 

Victor was born in Juarez, Mexico. His mother Guadalupe was 15 years old when he was born. He was named after his father even though his father did not help raise him.  

At 18, his mother became tired of the poverty around them. Juarez was a suffocating place. The neighborhood they lived in was one of the poorest in all of Mexico, maybe the world. It was gray. Lifeless. Dust clung to everything– the trees, plants, animals, the cardboard box houses. Even the people seemed to be covered in dirt. There were no paved streets and dust floated in the air like clouds. Trash littered every empty space. 

Guadalupe decided to head north. From the house they lived in they could actually see “el otro lado” – the other side. That is what they called the United States. El Paso, Texas, was just a stones throw away from Juarez.  

So, Guadalupe crossed the river illegally. She wanted a better life for herself and her two children (she had gotten pregnant with Mireya, Victor’s sister, at 17).

The crossing was not too difficult. She walked across, using the backroads and the hidden places. The border between Juarez and El Paso was blurry. You could only tell which side was America by paying attention to the economic conditions around you. One side was well-off, and the other side was poor. One side had paved streets, the other one didn’t. 

No, the crossing was not the hard part for Guadalupe. The hard part was leaving her two children in Mexico with her mother. Guadalupe promised she would return for them as soon as she had found a job and a place to live. She did not know when this would be. It could be a few months or a few years. But she knew she would return for them one day. 

Victor and Mireya were sad to see their mother leave. But their grandmother, lovingly nicknamed “Chachita,” was a beautiful soul. Because of her, they never noticed their poverty. She was the kind of woman who cared about others more than she cared about herself. Her small house was always full of kids–cousins, siblings, you name it. She was the mother to them all. Chachita made it easier for Victor and Mireya to wait for their mother’s return. 

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses 

Yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. 

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me: I lift 

my lamp beside the golden door.”  - Emma Lazarus 

The day Guadalupe returned for Victor and Mireya was one of their happiest. She had found a job as a waitress in America. She was going to take them to live in the beaten down trailer she’d found. The trailer wasn’t much better than Chachita’s home, but it was in the United States, the land where dreams came true. 

After saying teary good-byes to their cousins and to Chachita, the family of three headed towards the river.  

Usually, Guadalupe would cross back and forth between Mexico and the U.S. by herself. You could literally walk over some parts of the Rio Grande. Crossing over was as easy as a walk to the neighborhood store. You just had to know where and when to go. It would be more difficult with two small children in tow, however. So, Guadalupe decided to pay an expert in illegal crossings for this trip. He called himself “El Coyote” — the wolf.  

Victor did not understand what a “coyote” was. He thought it was an animal. Guadalupe told Victor and Mireya to stay quiet and listen to el coyote’s instructions.   

It was getting dark. This was the perfect moment to cross without being detected by the Border Patrol. The Wolf walked in front of them. He peeked around bushes, signaled for them to run behind him, and gave other instructions along the way. “Paren!” (stop!); “Tirense al piso” (get on the floor!); “No se muevan!” (don’t move!). A few times, they saw the Border Patrol pass by as they were hiding.  But they made it to el otro lado safely.                                                     

* * * 

Life in El Paso was not much better for Victor and Mireya than life in Juarez. They were still living in extreme poverty. Guadalupe was a very young mother. She had only finished sixth grade in elementary school. Living in a foreign land, alone, was difficult for her. She began using drugs. There were days when Victor and Mireya would wake up to see a man leaving their mother’s bedroom. Guadalupe had to do what she had to do.

When times were especially hard, Guadalupe would sell her blood at a plasma center.   

The worst mistake Guadalupe made in the U.S. was falling in love with Miguel. Life with him in the picture was a disaster. He would physically abuse Guadalupe for the smallest things. He was an alcoholic and when he was drunk, everyone was terrified. Even Victor and Mireya were not immune to Miguel’s beatings. Miguel would grab any item within reach and beat them mercilessly for the smallest of reasons. Sometimes for no reason at all.  

Guadalupe gave birth to two children from Miguel. Alex and Claudia were born one year apart. Not long after their birth, Miguel began sexually abusing Mireya. Victor felt helpless. He knew what was happening to his younger sister but was too young to intervene.  

Victor wanted to kill Miguel. He fantasized about doing something horrible to him. Mutilate him. Cut him up in a million pieces and watch him scream in pain until his last breath. He wanted to inflict the same pain on Miguel that Miguel was inflicting on everyone else. These feelings were very conflicting for Victor because he was a peaceful kid. He didn’t like violence. In fact, he hated it. 

Victor felt like a coward. How could you let your sister be violated and not do something about it? How could you watch your mother get beaten half to death and just stand there and cry? It didn’t matter that Victor was only nine years old. He felt like a coward. 

“A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal.” - Steve Maraboli

The beatings and the sexual abuse became too obvious for everyone to ignore. Teachers were beginning to ask why there were bruises on Victor’s and Mireya’s bodies. Neighbors began gossiping that horrible things were happening to the kids next door. They could hear the children screaming. They saw the children’s sad faces, always looking at the floor and terrified of everything. They smelled like urine and filth. Their clothes were always torn and dirty. They needed a shower.  

One of the neighbors decided to act. She called Child Protective Services (CPS) to report the physical abuse. She requested an investigation into the living conditions of the kids next door. 

An investigator went to the house and found things worse than what had been reported. Her report stated, “The Texas Department of Human Services became involved with Guadalupe Cardenas and her family in October due to reports of physical abuse, neglectful supervision, and sexual abuse. The kids were found alone. The home was in unsanitary conditions, infested by cockroaches. The children were extremely dirty and had not been fed. A strong smell of urine could be detected throughout the house. The two smallest children were infested with lice.” 

After finding out what was happening to the kids, CPS put them in foster care. The siblings were separated. Victor went to one foster family and his siblings went to others. By this time, Victor was angry at the world. His anger consumed him. He was angry at Miguel. He was angry at himself for letting things happen to his mom and sister. But he was especially angry at his mother. He blamed her for bringing Miguel into their life. 

Guadalupe was allowed to visit the kids at the offices of Child Protective Services. She would get one or two hours with them. Victor refused to visit with her. No matter how much his foster family and case worker begged, he refused to see Guadalupe. 

During the next few years, Victor and his siblings were in and out of foster homes. Sometimes they would return to Guadalupe for a few weeks, sometimes for a few months. These were trying times for everyone. But not as trying as the things that were to come.