Age:
High School
Reading Level: 3.8
Chapter 1
“So how do you like it here?” asked Karen as she toasted a marshmallow over the bonfire.
“Pretty good,” answered Pat as she popped one into her mouth. “It's a lot like Vermont, except you guys got snow before we did this year.”
Davy tossed a log into the bonfire, then went back to putting marshmallows on the ends of a branch. “Dad and I went hunting there a couple years back.”
“Is that the trip where you shot your father's truck?” asked Joshua.
“Yeah. I still can't believe I missed that buck.”
“I'm sure that one cost him a few bucks,” added Karen.
“No, it didn't cost him anything – he made me pay for it. What a cheapskate,” Davy said. Then he fed another log into the fire. “I wish we had some Volkswagen engine cases kicking around; those things burn with a vengeance.”
Pat gave Davy a funny look. “Boy, if Dad ever got a load of you! Lucky for you he lives in another state.”
Davy began to roast his cache of marshmallows over the fire. “Yeah, but at least your Mom likes me!”
“Subject to change without notice,” chided Pat, poking him in the ribs.
Joshua plopped his marshmallow on a graham cracker laden with chocolate and fed a bite of it to Karen. “Or as soon as your Mom gets to know him!” he added.
Pat looked over at Davy. “Hey Batman, your marshmallows are on fire!”
Davy just watched them burn. “Oh, that's ok,” he replied casually. “These ones are stale.”
“Can marshmallows go bad?” asked Karen.
Joshua scratched his head. “I don't know...aren't they mostly additives and preservatives?”
“What about their nutritional value?” asked Davy.
Pat speared a marshmallow on the end of her stick and began to toast it. “Marshmallows don't have any nutritional value.”
“They do too! What about all that cereal with the marshmallow bits that are part of a nutritionally-balanced breakfast? Or the marshmallow peeps? Those are good for you!”
Pat blanched at Davy’s remark. “How can those things be good for you?”
“Well, it's like this,” Davy explained as he started shaking popcorn over the fire. “See, peeps are like baby chickens, which is a poultry product. They're all fluffy and yellow, just like the real thing. So by default, that makes them good for you.”
“What about last Easter, when you ate a whole box of them?” commented Joshua as he popped a toasted marshmallow into his mouth. “You weren't so healthy after that one.”
“YUCK!” exclaimed Pat with a disgusted face. “You ate a WHOLE box of those things?”
“For a while,” replied Davy as he watched his popcorn go up in flames.
“Why would you do that?” asked Pat.
“Pig dared me to. It's a law that when someone double-dog-dare's you to do something, you have to do it.”
“I remember that,” said Karen. “Joshua and I had to go shopping for a new box before your Mom found out.”
“Oh, speaking of shopping,” said Pat, changing the subject, “where's a good place to go shopping for clothes? Some of my stuff got lost between Mom's divorce and when we moved here.”
“There's a couple of clothing outlets in town,” said Karen. “Or we could take a day trip to the malls.”
“A day trip? How far away are they?”
“Depends,” said Davy. “You want to go to Bangor, Portland, or Freeport?”
“Freeport is the closest,” said Joshua. “Probably about ninety minutes from here, and Portland is another fifteen minutes or so south of that.”
“Depending on how much snow we get,” added Davy.
“Lots of great places in Bangor,” noted Karen.
“I haven't been to Bangor in a while,” said Davy. “I had a lot of fun the last time I was there.”
“Didn't that end up on the evening news?” asked Joshua.
“I had nothing to do with that, and nobody can prove it!” exclaimed Davy. Then he had second thoughts. “On the other hand, I probably missed my fifteen minutes of fame.”
Chapter 2
“Go, Rudolph!” shouted Davy at the television. “Light up that nose!”
“I wonder if that monster is related to Cookie Monster?” asked Karen.
“Ha ha ha! That elf took his teeth,” laughed Joshua.
“Woo-hoo! Venison for dinner!” cheered Davy.
“Not for him! He'll be eating applesauce for the rest of his life,” quipped Joshua.
“Oops, there they go over the edge,” said Yvette.
“I wonder if the SPCA knows anything about this?” asked Pat.
“Nah, they'll be fine - they bounce,” replied Davy, picking up his cellphone.
Just then the kitchen phone rang, and Yvette jumped up. “Oh, that must be Michael! He said he'd call,” as she ran to answer the phone. “Hello?” she cooed.
“It's me, Davy. Say, while you're in the kitchen, grab me a soda out of the fridge, will ya?”
Yvette slammed the phone down in disgust, retrieved a soda from the fridge, and began shaking it furiously on her way back to the living room.
“Here,” she hissed, holding out the can to Davy.
Davy took the can from her. “Thanks! I knew you'd be good for something...” he started to say as he opened it, only to be doused by a huge spray of soda. Yvette shrieked with laughter as she bolted from the room with Davy in hot pursuit, screaming bloody murder.
“Hey Davy!” shouted Karen after them. “Make it quick, or you'll miss the train with the square wheels!”
“He really likes the train with the square wheels, huh?” asked Pat as Davy excitedly dashed back into the room.
“It's his favorite part,” replied Joshua, moving over a bit to let Davy by. “He won't miss that for anything.”
* * *
“So where do you guys want to go?” asked Davy as he started the microwave.
Joshua looked at Karen and Pat. “It's up to you two; where would you like to go?”
Pat took a sip of water and looked at Karen. “What do you think? I'm new to the area.”
Karen looked up from the newspaper, where she had been perusing the holiday flyers. “Well, there are some really good sales going on in Bangor this weekend. How does that sound?”
Pat raised her water glass in a toast. “I'm always up for a good sale!”
“OK, Bangor it is!” chimed in Davy, watching the microwave. “We'll take my car!”
Karen blanched at the idea. “That thing? I'm surprised it even gets us to school.”
“Why, what's wrong with my car?” Davy demanded.
Joshua began to count off his fingers. “Well, for starters, it's really rusty, the seats are threadbare, the exhaust leaks, there's a big crack in the windshield, the tires are bald...”
“I mean besides that,” said Davy.
“It's really ugly?” offered Pat.
“No way! It was the cream of the crop back in 1959!”
“Desoto was already past its prime back then,” interjected Karen, her nose still buried in the flyers.
“Maybe we'd be better off taking the train with the square wheels?” suggested Joshua.
Davy was about to make a smart remark, but the microwave beeper interrupted him. “Popcorn is done!” he exclaimed as he opened the door, letting popcorn cascade out of the microwave and onto the floor.
Pat and Karen watched with detached amusement as Hoover and Go Away scurried into the room and began wolfing down popcorn while Davy spilled the remaining popcorn into a large bowl on the table. Joshua smiled and shook his head. “Why can't you make popcorn in the microwave like a normal person?”
Davy filled a small bowl with popcorn and put some ketchup on it. “Well, what do you expect from a four-year-old?”
“You use that excuse for everything,” replied Joshua.
Davy gave Joshua a silly grin. “That's one of the fringe benefits of being born on February 29th.”
Chapter 3
Joshua, Karen and Kara were sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for Davy and Pat to arrive and watching Carl clean his rifle, while Annie hustled around the kitchen making breakfast.
“So how was the hunting, Dad?” asked Karen.
“It was ok,” replied Carl, absorbed with his project.
“Didn't see anything, huh. Dad?” commented Kara, who was reading a magazine.
“You never see anything,” said Annie as she plopped a stack of pancakes onto the middle of the table.
“What about the six-pointer last year?” asked Joshua.
“I think Dad made that up,” said Kara, her face still buried in the magazine.
“I did not!” scolded Carl. “Joshua, you believe me, don't you?”
Joshua helped himself to a pancake. “Sure I do! I have no reason to doubt you.”
“See?” exclaimed Carl. “He believes me!”
“That's because I know better than to argue with someone who is holding a shotgun,” replied Joshua with a smile, gesturing with a piece of pancake on his fork.
Carl glanced out the window. “Uh oh, here comes trouble,” he grumbled just as Davy burst through the kitchen door with Pat.
“Oh boy! Blueberry pancakes!” he shouted, making a beeline for the table.
“Good morning to you, too,” answered Karen, plopping a couple of pancakes on an extra plate. “Here, Pat, eat these before Davy gets them all.”
“Don't you ever knock?” asked Carl, glaring at Davy.
“I tried that once, but you wouldn't let me in,” replied Davy. Then he picked up something from the table and held it over his head. “Hey, look! Mistletoe!”
“That's poison ivy,” said Carl.
Kara looked at what Davy was holding. “Nice try, but I don't think anyone ever got kissed under the parsley.”
“Can I get you some orange juice, Pat?” asked Annie.
“Yes, please!” Pat replied.
“I'd like some, too!” added Davy. “Is it the kind with the floaties in it? I don't like the floaties.”
Annie poured a couple of glasses and laughed as she brought them to the table. “No, Davy, it's the kind you like.”
Davy shoved an entire pancake into his mouth and looked at what Carl was up to. “Gonna do some target practice?” he said with his mouth full.
Carl handed Davy an apple. “Yep. Here, stick this in your mouth so I can give you a shot.”
“Dad says I should be vaccinated with a shotgun,” said Davy with a swallow, “but I've already had my shots.”
“What's with the flame job on the hearse?” asked Carl, looking out the window.
“That's to expedite the cremation process,” quipped Davy, cramming a pancake from Carl's plate into his mouth.
Karen gave Davy a suspicious look. “We're going to Bangor in a hearse?”
Davy had just stuffed another pancake in his mouth and couldn't reply, so he just nodded. Then Karen looked at Pat, who made a helpless gesture. Joshua, however, just looked at Davy as if this were a perfectly normal thing to do. “What about the DeSoto?” he asked.
Davy quaffed some juice to wash down the pancake before he replied, “I had a little trouble with it this morning.”
“Like what?”
“Oh, the frame went, and the rear suspension collapsed.”
“Why can't you just drive a half-way decent car like everyone else?” admonished Carl, going back to cleaning his rifle.
“Because beaters have more entertainment value,” countered Davy, grabbing another pancake from Carl's plate.
“Like the Chevy that dropped the driveshaft?” asked Joshua.
“YEAH!” exclaimed Davy, pointing at Joshua. “Wasn't that great?”
“Until we had to walk an hour out of the woods,” added Karen.
Pat had to wonder about this. “What were you guys doing in the woods in a Chevy?”
“Davy was getting into the holiday spirit,” explained Joshua. “So there we were, barreling through the woods while singing a Christmas carol about dashing through the snow in a beat-up Chevrolet...”
“Nothing says Christmas like field bombing,” added Davy, stuffing the last pancake from Carl's plate in his mouth. “I think we should make that a holiday tradition.” He reached over and grabbed Kara's juice, chugging it in one gulp. “And now, let's embark on another holiday tradition: SHOPPING!” he shouted, bumping the table as he jumped up and sailed out the door with Joshua, Karen and Pat scrambling behind him to complete the hasty exit.
Carl noticed his empty plate and looked at Kara, who was peering into her empty glass of juice. He held up his plate to Annie and grumbled, “Well, he did it again, didn't he?”